And back down we go….
December 8th, 2005
Depressed Well this is one heck of an emotional rollercoaster, yesterday was all good, I felt I had got somewhere with Japanese and was starting to like everything again, yet by the end of the evening, depression had set back in and my mind was not a happy place….
If I really think about what is causing it, I think it boils down to money…
I always was of the believe that you don’t need a lot of money to have a good time, and i still stand by this - however, on the flip side, having no money at all is a problem.
Again, there are things that can bypass all these issues: being with friends, having loads to do to keep you occupied etc, however out here, I just don’t have all those comforts.
I (rather stupidly) was thinking about the JET program that I turned down. Would have been an extra £7k a year, house sorted (no £1500 put down), flights all paid, in a proper school so you get to hang out with japanese staff…. kinda exactly what i wanted…. i turned it down to come here to be with Seiko and in Tokyo. But I don’t think I needed to, she is perfectly happy being with her sister and is out most of the time anyway.
Tokyo isn’t as great as is made out, or maybe it is, but I just can’t afford to do the really good things… i dunno…
Now with graduation coming up, work have told me I need to show them the flight details in a week, so I have to buy all that now. The sensible person inside me should really say “you can’t afford it, you will have to leave it” - in the UK there would have been no problem, I could have easily gotten the money, but out here I am kinda stranded.
But no, this will only happen once in my life and I really want to see everyone, so I will do it. There will however be no way I can clear the debt it will cause whilst I am still out here… that is depressing too….
Maybe I’m just having an off day, I don’t know - I hope so. But it’s hard to work out what I need to do to cheer up. I can’t go out more to meet more people as I have no money, so it’s just once at the weekend, so I have to spend time sitting at home…. the longer I am home with other people in, the noise really gets to me and makes me irritated…
I can’t win…. what to do, what to do…. oh dear…. 